What is Janvier Olszon's Gender Identity, Anyway?

Hello! This is probably going to be my most personal blog post ever, or at least so far. Y'all already know - or, at least, you should - that my pronouns are they or he. But what does that mean?

I want to preface this by saying that everyone's experience of their gender is different. Every person under the trans and nonbinary umbrellas will want to be treated differently based on how they identify and how they experience their identity. This blog post is about me, and my preferences, and may (and probably will) be different from how other trans people want to be referred to and treated. The only way to deal with these different preferences and expectations is to ask (respectful!) questions.

So how do I experience, express, and refer to my gender? In other words, how do I identify? Let me break it down.

-Gender Identity-

On the surface level, I identify as nonbinary. Nonbinary is a kind of umbrella term that encompasses multiple gender identities that fall outside of "man" and "woman". I wear the nonbinary flag draped around myself at Pride events because, honestly, I like the colors of the flag a lot. Like, yes, this identity fits me. I’m absolutely okay with being referred to as nonbinary. (Or, as I keep seeing it, “non-binary”. I don’t often see people using the hyphen in casual contexts, though.)

However, if you want to get more specific, I identify as a demiboy. You can find definitions of demiboy all over the internet, but what demiboy means to me is that I'm part boy and part ????.

Finding this identity took me years. When I first realized I wasn't cis (that is, that I didn't identify with the gender I was assigned at birth) I identified as genderqueer. Then I thought I was a binary trans man. Then I thought I was agender. But in recent years I've realized that it's...kind of all of the above.

At all times, I feel equal parts “boy” and “agender” (not having a gender at all), or like some sort of “other” gender I can’t really define. My identity is kind of fluid, in the sense that my ratio of "boy" to "????" changes sometimes, but they’re both still within me.

When the Phantom of the Opera song says “...man and mystery / are both in you,” I relate to that. I’m man and mystery or, more accurately, I’m boy and ????. 

I know this is hard to understand. That's why it took me years to understand it, myself. I don't necessarily need you to understand me, but I do need you to respect me, at the VERY least.

-Gender Expression-

"But Janvier, you don't look like a guy."

I know. Here's the thing. I don't want to undergo medical transition. That is, I don't want to take hormones or have surgeries. At least, I don't think I do, and that's something I believe you should be absolutely certain about before pursuing. Testosterone has done great things for people. I know many people who have been taking T for years and are very happy about it. I just don't think it's for me. 

So I'm probably never going to look how I think I should. I'm probably always going to disagree with what I see in the mirror. And I'm definitely always going to disagree with how society sees me. Ideally, I would've been assigned male at birth ("born a boy") and grown into a gender nonconforming person, but that's just not how my genes shook out, so I'm merely dealing with my circumstances and doing the most with what I have.

My gender expression - or how I choose to look (to the best of my ability) and dress - changes all the time because I will always inevitably get bored. I got tired of having short hair, for example, so I grew it out again. My current gender expression is band tees, jeans, and a mullet. I draw in my eyebrows. Sometimes I wear makeup, but I’m usually too lazy. 

If you read my long hair and eyeliner as feminine, that's your problem. To me, in my self-perception, the mullet is masculine and so am I. My eyebrows are naturally light, so I always at least draw them in to frame my face. Makeup isn’t feminine to me. Guys wear eyeliner all the time because it looks good on everyone. I identify, and believe I'm presenting, as androgynous-leaning-masculine, but I know society doesn't see me that way. People see my weak jawline, my long-ish hair, and other physical characteristics and default to "girl." That is, once again, their problem.

I like to believe that if I’d been assigned male at birth, I’d be dressing the exact same. It would just be perceived differently, AKA more accurately as to how I’m trying to be perceived.

I know this is complicated, but I’m not apologizing for it. People ask me to elaborate all the time. This is me elaborating.

I understand that it’s human nature to categorize people on a subconscious level. I know how I look and I understand why people perceive me as “feminine.” I just also know they’re wrong.

-Pronouns-

Now we get to the section that terrifies conservatives for some reason. That's right, we're talking about grammar. Specifically, pronouns.

I'm fine with people using they or he pronouns for me. My preference is that people choose one and stick with it. For example, if you decide to call me "he", call me "he" consistently and don't switch back and forth. 

You can call me "they" or "he". That's it. I'm not a she. I haven't been okay with being called that since I was, like, 19. I don't give a shit if I'm wearing mascara or whatever, I'm still not a she. Also, I'm not a big fan of neopronouns for myself, but I respect them for others. 

How to use the singular "they":

Have you heard of author Janvier Olszon? I saw their book on Amazon and looked them up. They seem pretty cool.

It's really that simple. The singular “they” has been around since Shakespearean times, probably even earlier. Use it, learn it, love it.

-What I'm Okay with Being Called-

I'm not a woman. Please, for the love of all things holy, never call me a woman. Never address me as "ma'am"; not only am I not a woman, I'm also not elderly, jeez. (“Miss” is slightly better, but I’m still going to feel weird about it.)

I'm always okay with being called a boy, a guy, or a dude. My favorite thing ever is to be addressed as "my dude." You’ll win instant points with me if you do that.

If you're a girl or a gay, you can call me "girl." Or "gurl." Or "grrrrrl." If you're neither of those things, don't do that.

It feels weird to be called a "man", but I'm generally alright with it, especially in casual contexts. Like there’s a difference between saying “Janvier is a man” (that feels weird) and “Hey, man, how are you doing?” (that feels less weird.)

In relationships, I’m a partner or a boyfriend. I'm nobody's girlfriend. I haven't been anyone's girlfriend since I was, again, like 20. If I ever get married, I'm not going to be a wife; I'm going to be a partner, a life partner, or a spouse. 

"You're not okay with being called 'ma'am'? What should I call you if I'm trying to be polite, then?"

I think we, as a society, need to get over this idea that you have to gender a random stranger in order to be polite. I guess you can call me "Sir" if you want to. You can call me "Mx" instead of "Mr." or "Ms." But what I find most polite is people just, like, saying please and thank you and not gendering me at all. I don’t give a damn if you called me “ma’am” because you were “trying to be polite”; it feels like a stab in the chest, and that sure as hell doesn’t feel polite to me.

-But How Do I Know?-

The truth is: You don’t. You can’t tell gender just by looking at someone. Nonbinary people come in all shapes, sizes, and gender expressions, so you have to always be vigilant.

And by “be vigilant”, I mean…

Ask people for their pronouns. Now, some of my binary trans friends don’t like being asked about their pronouns because it makes them feel like they’re being “clocked.” However, because I have no hope of passing, I would prefer that people just ask me. If they just assume, they’ll probably be wrong. And how do you ask someone for their pronouns?

“What pronouns do you use? I use [insert your pronouns here].”

It’s as simple as that. 

Also, English is a cool language because you can go an entire conversation about gendering someone if you just think about it for a second. Seriously, it’s a fun thought experiment. Try it.

-Outro-

I really appreciate you taking a moment to learn about this aspect of my existence. I think the fact that I'm nonbinary is the least interesting thing about me, but it's Pride Month, so I thought I'd make a post spelling it all out. You know, to join the festivities.

I hope you're having an awesome Pride Month and an awesome day!

Feel free to leave a comment if you have any additional questions or if you relate to anything in this blog post. 

And don’t forget: most of my protagonists are nonbinary. If you’re interested in nonbinary identity from a place of experience, and from a first-person perspective, may I recommend my latest novella, Storm Season? The protagonist of Storm Season is nonbinary and I drew from my real-life experiences to portray them as such. Read nonbinary stories by nonbinary authors!

Your friend,

Janvier Olszon

And for Google’s purposes:

Janvier Olszon gender identity information. Why are you searching for Janvier Olszon gender anyway? Well, Janvier Olszon is a nonbinary author or, more accurately, a self-published indie author who just happens to be nonbinary. Janvier Olszon is a demiboy. Janvier Olszon is a dude. 

I don’t think this one paragraph is going to be as SEO friendly as I think it is, but whatever.

Happy gendering!